Dear Ella: At what point am I supposed to believe I know what I’m doing?
Dear Ella,
I have been doing this for a long time.
I have experience. I have made hard decisions. I have led teams, handled crises, navigated politics, recovered from mistakes, and figured out things I once had no idea how to do.
Other people seem to trust me.
So why do I still feel like I need permission before I completely trust myself?
Before I make a recommendation, I want more evidence.
Before I disagree, I check whether someone else sees it too.
Before I make a big decision, I wonder whether I am missing something obvious that a more experienced person would know.
I keep thinking there will be some point in my career when I finally feel, “Yes. I know what I am doing.”
When does that happen?
Signed,
Still Waiting for Credentials
Dear Waiting,
I regret to inform you that no one is coming down the hallway with your official Certificate of Knowing What You Are Doing.
You already have the evidence.
You have made decisions, gotten some right, gotten some wrong, adjusted, learned, and kept going. Other people trust your judgment because they have watched you use it.
The problem is that you are still treating your own judgment like it needs a co-signer.
The question beneath the question is not, “When will I finally know enough?”
It is, “When will what I already know be enough to let my own judgment count?”
Self-trust is not believing you are always right.
It is believing your thinking deserves a place in the room before someone else validates it.
So before you ask, “What do you think?” ask yourself first:
“What do I think?”
Before you assume the more senior person knows something you do not, ask:
“What information do they have that changes my analysis?”
Maybe they have some. Good. Use it.
But seniority is not clairvoyance.
Stop waiting to feel like the person who knows what she is doing.
You became her while you were busy wondering when she would arrive.
Ella’s note: You have spent years earning your judgment. Stop asking everyone else to certify it.
