Dear Ella: Everyone depends on me, and I am starting to resent it.

Dear Ella,

I have become the person everyone comes to when something is unclear, urgent, politically sensitive, or quietly falling apart.

At first, I was proud of this. I was trusted. I knew the history. I understood the people. I could see around corners. I still can.

But now I am exhausted and, if I am honest, resentful.

People say things like, “You are the only one who knows how this works,” or “Can you just take a quick look?” or “We need your eyes on this before it goes out.”

I know I have trained people to rely on me. I also know the organization benefits from my over-functioning and has no particular incentive to stop.

How do I get out of this without dropping balls or damaging my reputation?

Signed,

Apparently the Infrastructure

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Dear Infrastructure,

Congratulations. You have become the system.

This is flattering for approximately twelve minutes. After that, it becomes a trap with calendar invitations.

You are being rewarded for being dependable, but depended on for too much. Those are not the same thing.

And yes, some of this is yours. You answered too fast. You rescued too often. You made other people’s confusion easier than your own discomfort.

But some of it is the organization’s. It found a woman who could absorb ambiguity, urgency, memory, politics, standards, and emotional weather. Then it quietly built a workflow around her.

Charming. Efficient. Completely unsustainable.

So do not announce a grand boundary revolution. Nobody enjoys those, including the person announcing one.

Pick one recurring dependency and change the pattern.

When someone says, “Can you just take a quick look?” try:

“I can look this time. Going forward, who owns the standard?”

When someone says, “You are the only one who knows how this works,” try:

“That is exactly the problem. Let’s document it.”

When someone brings you confusion, ask:

“What is your recommendation?”

You are not abandoning people. You are requiring the system to grow a spine.

Will some people be annoyed? Of course. People often mistake access for relationship and rescue for leadership.

Let them.

Your job is not to remain endlessly available so everyone else can remain underdeveloped.

Ella’s note: If everything depends on you, you have not built influence. You have built a bottleneck with excellent manners.

Explore ellevae: If you are ready to move from being indispensable to creating impact that lasts, ellevae is where that work begins.