Dear Ella: I was told I need executive presence. No one can explain what that means.

Dear Ella,

I received feedback that I need to work on my “executive presence.”

When I asked what that meant, I got a cloud of words: confidence, polish, gravitas, command, warmth, clarity, less detail, more authority, stronger voice, better energy.

So, apparently, I need to become a weather system.

I am not opposed to feedback. I want to grow. But this kind of feedback makes me suspicious because it seems to mean different things depending on who is saying it.

I do not want to ignore it if there is something I genuinely need to change. I also do not want to contort myself into someone else’s preferred leadership flavor.

How do I take this seriously without letting it make me smaller?

Signed,

Atmospheric but Confused

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Dear Atmospheric,

“Executive presence” is a phrase people use when they want to sound precise without doing the work of being precise.

Sometimes it means something useful.

Sometimes it means, “You did not match my preferred picture of authority.”

Sometimes it means, “You made me uncomfortable, and I would like to call that your development opportunity.”

So yes, take it seriously. But do not take it personally until someone defines it.

Ask for moments, not adjectives.

“Where specifically did my leadership not land?”

“What would stronger have looked like in that room?”

“What should I do more of, less of, or differently?”

If they cannot answer, you do not have feedback. You have mist with a performance review attached.

That said, do not dismiss the whole thing. There may be a useful signal hiding inside the fog.

Maybe you are over-explaining.

Maybe your recommendation arrives too late in the paragraph.

Maybe you are making collaboration look like uncertainty.

Maybe you are softening the point so thoroughly that no one can find it.

Fine. Tighten that.

But do not become louder because someone else lacks vocabulary. Do not become colder because someone confused warmth with weakness. Do not sand yourself down into “polish” and then wonder why your leadership feels fake.

The goal is not to perform authority.

The goal is to make your authority easier to experience.

That is a much better assignment.

Ella’s note: Never accept vague feedback from someone who benefits from your confusion.

Explore ellevae: If you are ready to strengthen how your leadership lands without becoming less yourself, start with the Influence Path.