Dear Ella: Why am I so tired if I am succeeding?
Dear Ella,
By most external measures, things are going well.
I have the title. Meaningful scope. A strong team. Senior leaders trust me and include me in important conversations.
So why am I so tired?
The better I do, the more I seem to carry. More visibility. More requests. More complexity. More people relying on me to translate, decide, absorb, smooth, and keep things moving.
I am succeeding, but I do not feel expanded by it.
I feel consumed.
What does that mean?
Signed, Winning & Worn Out in Washington
Dear Winning,
It may mean your success is taking more from you than it is giving back.
Achievement has a way of becoming a very polished delivery system for depletion.
Every step up brings more responsibility, visibility, complexity, and emotional labor. But authority, support, recovery, and choice do not always grow with them.
The question is not, “Why can’t I handle success?”
You are handling it.
The better question is:
What is this version of success requiring from me, and is the exchange still worth it?
That is Integration work.
Start by auditing the cost.
What is wearing you down: decisions, availability, emotional labor, travel, conflict, constant responsiveness, invisible coordination?
Then separate growth from depletion.
Growth stretches you and builds capacity.
Depletion stretches you and calls the damage opportunity.
Finally, decide what has to change:
“The scope has grown. The support structure needs to grow with it.”
“I can lead at this level, but not while carrying this much invisible coordination.”
“I need to stop treating recovery as what happens after everything else is handled.”
And be careful with praise.
“You’re the only one who can handle this” can sound like recognition while quietly becoming a staffing model.
Success should ask something of you.
But when it keeps taking without building, renewing, or aligning, the terms deserve another look.
You do not need less ambition.
You may need a better bargain with it.
Ella’s note: More work is not proof of more value. Sometimes it is just proof that you believe it is.
